<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>keep your friends close and your enemies closer by spinner_of_yarns</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671687">keep your friends close and your enemies closer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinner_of_yarns/pseuds/spinner_of_yarns'>spinner_of_yarns</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Cuddling, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Cuddle Pollen, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Genderfluid Aziraphale (Good Omens), Holding Hands, Huddling For Warmth, More swearing than is probably neccessary, Nonbinary Crowley (Good Omens), Other, Potions Accident, Swearing, Touch-Starved, i guess, technically</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:40:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,035</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671687</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinner_of_yarns/pseuds/spinner_of_yarns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“See?” they said. “Isn’t this better?”</p><p>It was, oh, it was, but it shouldn’t be. Crowley didn’t want to touch him. They just didn’t want to see him suffer.</p><p>*</p><p>or three times they were compelled to touch due to magical shenanigans and one time they weren’t</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. hold out your hand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The best part of the sex pollen/fuck or die trope is all the pining. The whole time both of the characters are like ‘They’re doing this just to help me/just because they’re compelled to, they don’t actually want me, oh woe is me.” So I wrote that, except with non-sexual intimacy, because why the hell not?</p><p>The fic is mostly finished, so I’ll actually be updating it regularly. The chapters should come out each Tuesday, and the podfic versions during the weekend.</p><p>Chapter title from Friends Will Be Friends by Queen.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hell was a shithole. It wasn’t for the reasons humans thought it was. The oppressive heat wasn’t so bad, at least not if you were a coldblooded creature. The torture could be easily avoided if you knew your way around. But it was filthy and crowded and Crowley hated it.</p><p>Frankly it didn’t surprise them one bit that something like this would happen to them there.</p><p>Crowley was only there to give their report to Beelzebub, as usual. They avoided going to Hell when they could. Earth was so much more interesting. And, bonus, if they got tired of the crowds they could just find a calm quiet place to rest. There weren’t any calm quiet places in Hell.</p><p>They updated Lord Beelzebub and the gathered crowd on happenings on Earth, lying through their teeth during most of their speech. It was just how Hell worked. Truth didn’t mix well with all the sulphur. It was like oil and water.</p><p>Crowley wanted to get out as soon as Lord Beezlebub dismissed them, but they knew better. It was all about appearances. Can’t give anybody the impression that their supposed home made them uncomfortable. They stopped by their desk, loitering and trying to look busy, which mostly consisted of shuffling through a pile of papers, occasionally stopping to highlight something.</p><p>When enough time has passed, Crowley got up to leave. They walked towards the nearest exit, which took them past Hell’s Experimental Labs. They were in such a hurry to leave that they didn’t notice the door opening before it was too late.</p><p>Which is how they ended up in a hallway in Hell with a beaker full of a glittery substance spilled on them.</p><p>“Shit,” Crowley said quietly between coughs, clamping down on the instinct to apologize. Demons didn’t apologize, not to those bellow them on the food chain at least.</p><p>“Oh, no.” The young demon fretted. Crowley was pretty sure zir name was Belloth. Ze made some great innovations in the damnation field. Crowley liked zir, because they were a rare demon who favored solutions without unnecessary violence. “I really didn’t mean to! It’s nowhere near ready for human trial. Er. Demon trial.”</p><p>“It’s alright,” Crowley said, once they stopped coughing. They dusted the glitter off of their toga. It suck to their hand instead. “What does it do?”</p><p>“Desperation,” Belloth said. “It’s supposed to make humans desperate for the thing they want the most. Mainly, I wanted to use it to give temptation an extra edge, and to make it easier to figure out what they want. It should wear off in an hour or so, but it’s meant for humans and it’s still not finished and I’m so sorry-“</p><p>“It’s fine,” Crowley said. It wasn’t. “I can deal with it.” They probably couldn’t. “And hey, at least you’ll get some feedback on your project, ey?”</p><p>Belloth laughed nervously. “I suppose. Ideally I’d observe you in lab environment, but I understand you must be busy.”</p><p>They weren’t, but they could feel an itch under their skin that signaled that the spell started working and they really didn’t want to deal with witnesses. They’d worked very hard on their reputation in Hell, the last thing they needed was to embarrass themself and ruin centuries of work. “Yea. Busy. Yes. Of course I am busy.” They nodded, clapped Belloth on the shoulder, regretting it immediately, and backed away. “Great work. I’ll keep you posted.“</p><p>They started walking away and then paused, turning around. “Why the Hell did you use glitter?”</p><p>Belloth seemed confused. “Your report said it’s the most evil substance on Earth.”</p><p>“Right.” Well, it wasn’t that far from the truth. Pitty, they quite liked this toga.</p><p>Instead of taking the long way home, they simply teleported to their rooms. Now that they were alone their calm and collected façade cracked. They clutched at the short strands of their hair. After having long hair for most of their existence they still hadn’t quite gotten used to it being so short. Funny, cutting it didn’t stop them from dreaming of Aziraphale carding his hands through it.</p><p>As soon as they thought of Aziraphale their heart stuttered and then picked up, twice as fast as before. <em>Oh no</em>, they thought, not surprised in the least that their utmost desire had something to do with the angel.</p><p>Crowley hasn’t stopped thinking about Aziraphale’s hands since they watched him eat oysters seven years ago. They must be so soft. All of Aziraphale must be soft, but Crowley had a special fascination with his hands. They’ve watched the lovely appendages scoop up oyster shells and pluck grapes and twirl a goblet and they couldn’t help but wonder how they would feel entwined with their own.</p><p>Crowley was glad they managed to get out of Hell before the spell truly hit them, because this was just embarrassing. They’re the Serpent of Eden and their deepest wish was to hold hands with a fussy principality. If anyone from Downstairs saw them now, they’d laugh. And then flay them, probably. Demons weren’t supposed to love, much less to love angels.</p><p>But it wasn’t like Crowley couldn’t withstand a bit of humiliation in their own company. Belloth said it would wear off in an hour. It’ll be fine.</p><p>*</p><p>It wasn’t fine. Fine packed up its bags and broke up with Crowley over a text.</p><p>It <em>was </em>fine for the first hour. Maybe Crowley had to sit on their hands for most of it, but what was that in the grand scheme of things? But as the time passed, Crowley grew restless. <em>Shouldn’t the spell be wearing off already? </em>they thought, pacing. Rather then lessening, the pull has only gotten stronger. Crowley’s breath kept hitching (and they might not need to breathe, but had gotten used to it) and they couldn’t think about anything other than Aziraphale’s hands on theirs and they were pretty sure if they didn’t get to touch Aziraphale soon they would spontaneously combust.</p><p>It might be happening already. What else could it be that was making their hands feel like they were on fire? Is this what touching consecrated ground felt like?</p><p>They had to find Aziraphale. They had to see him. They won’t touch him, they wouldn’t do that to him, but they had to see him. Maybe that would soothe the burn.</p><p>Crowley teleported, hoping Aziraphale was still in Rome. And sure enough, they could feel a faint trail of angelic scent mixed with parchment and wine. <em>Aziraphale</em>.</p><p>The burning urged them on, until they were running through the streets, following that sweet smell. When they found themself in front of a door, evidently the place Aziraphale resided at currently, they hesitated. They couldn’t just barge in. It would be rude. And Crowley was rude, of course, they were a demon, but Aziraphale hated rudeness. He didn’t hate them, somehow, and Crowley did not want to do anything that would cause him to. But their hands ached so much they feared if they looked down they would find them covered in burns.</p><p>They wouldn’t barge in. They couldn’t betray Aziraphale’s trust like that, fragile as it already was. They raised their burning hand - surprised to see that it wasn’t red and blistering, only shaking - and knocked.</p><p>“Be right there!” Aziraphale called and oh. His voice was like cold water, soothing each and every ache they had. The door opened and there he was. Standing at the threshold, wearing a white robe and smiling, puzzled.</p><p>“Crowley? What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Angel,” Crowley said, because that’s all they could manage. They fell to their knees. Aziraphale’s presence was soothing, yes, but it also made the pain impossible to ignore. His hands were right there, perfect as ever. So close they could just reach out and-</p><p>No. They couldn’t. Aziraphale would never forgive them if they forced their filthy demon hands on him. They’d rather burn than hurt him.</p><p>“Crowley!” Aziraphale shrieked. “What happened? Oh, let me get you inside and I can look you over.” He reached out, touching Crowley’s shoulders, trying to help them up.</p><p>Crowley cried out at the touch. It was the most exquisite pain they’d ever felt.</p><p>Aziraphale jerked back at the sound. “Oh no! Are you in pain, dear?”</p><p>Crowley nodded.</p><p>“Where does it hurt? What can I do?” Aziraphale fretted.</p><p>“Hands,” Crowley croaked.</p><p>“Did you hurt your hands?” Aziraphale reached for Crowley’s hand to examine it.</p><p>Suddenly the pain stopped. Crowley could see clearly. Aziraphale was clutching their hand, his face scrunched up in worry. They’ve made Aziraphale worry. They’ve made Aziraphale worry enough to touch them.</p><p>They were already unforgivable, that’s just what they were as a demon. But that didn’t mean they could just carry on, doing more unforgivable acts.</p><p>Crowley jerked their hand back and stood up, immediately missing Aziraphale’s touch.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” they said.</p><p>Aziraphale shook his head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Are you alright?”</p><p>“Yeah.” They forced themself to nod, although they didn’t feel alright. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.</p><p>“I’m glad.” Aziraphale knew better than to ask what happened. “Would you like to come in? You still look shaken up.”</p><p>Crowley wanted nothing more than take him up on the offer. But they’d already overstepped. They made Aziraphale touch them. They deserved to crawl under a rock for the next few centuries and hope Aziraphale will have forgotten this by then. “Better not,” they said. “Should go. Wiles to do. You know how it is.”</p><p>“Of course,” Aziraphale nodded and Crowley couldn’t shake off the impression that he sounded disappointed. Must have been their imagination.</p><p>Now they just had to decide whether Belloth deserved a punishment or a commendation.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. no one else could warm my heart as much as you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Aziraphale is cursed to feel cold. If only there was a demon who could help...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Life is being A Lot, so I’m not sure when I’ll get to podficing this. The next chapter should be on time, though.<br/>Chapter title is from Teo Torriatte (Let Us Cling Together) by Queen.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was supposed to be just a routine assignment. Go there and there, bless this and this person, guide this and this person on the right path, kiss Gabriel’s ass in the report, yada, yada. Aziraphale sometimes wondered whether he should have let Crowley persuade him into the Arrangement. It was unbecoming of an angel, but he was getting tired. It was damp and dirty and boring here.</p><p>He liked his job, of course. He liked performing miracles, but upstairs never let him do the miracles he wanted to do. They didn’t approve of him using miracles to heal, not unless the human was predestined for something. Like the other lives weren’t worth as much, just because Heaven didn’t consider them important.</p><p>As it was, he was quite prickly by the time he got to the market. He had to bless a mother to ensure her pregnancy would go smoothly, which was easy enough. He was under specific instruction not to bless anyone else, which was harder. He might have made a merchant redirect his gaze when a starving girl took bread from his stall, but that was a miracle, not a blessing.</p><p>Next on the list was an old woman, selling herbs. Apparently she was involved with the forces of darkness, and he was to guide her to light. Or, if she wouldn’t budge, dispose of her.</p><p>Aziraphale was a soldier, there was no use in denying that. He fought in the First War, and countless others Heaven send him on besides. But that didn’t mean he liked it. He’s never liked hurting people. And killing someone just because her herbs allegedly had healing properties, which naturally meant she was in cahoots with the devil, was just not something Aziraphale was prepared to do. Not even because Heaven asked.1</p><p> </p><p>1. Although, they didn’t ask, did they? Their sentences might have inflection at the end, have all the signs of a question, but is it really a question if answering it was forbidden?</p><p> </p><p>So he had to make her turn to the light.</p><p>That proved harder than it seemed.</p><p>It was going alright at first. They discussed the various flavours and combinations of herbs in cooking, she even recommended an eatery to Aziraphale. But then he made the mistake of referring to certain practices as ‘sinful’. And it wasn’t even that he believed it. Human ingenuity intrigued him, and anything that would curb Pestilence’s influence was good in his books. It was only that time was proving that Heaven’s books were completely different from his.</p><p>“Ah. So that’s how it is.”</p><p>“Well, you see-“</p><p>“You think you can act all high and mighty and I’m not goin to see right through you? Not all of us have His power at our fingertips. We have to make do.”</p><p>Aziraphale froze. How did she know?</p><p>“Aye, I know what you are. But that doesn’t make you any better than me, or anyone else here in this village. I haven’t got a sliver of help from your lot my whole life and now you come an tell me my ways – the ways that kept this village alive while you were off who knows where – are sinful?”</p><p>Aziraphale wasn’t sure how to respond. He hasn’t gotten such a verbal lashing since Eve yelled at him after Eden and he wasn’t quite sure what to do.2</p><p> </p><p>2. Centuries later, when Agnes Nutter insults him despite being very much dead, he’s going to be reminded of this moment.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just following my orders,” he offered weakly.</p><p>“Your orders? Is that how it works up there these days? Do you just blindly follow what someone tells you without thinking why? Without consulting your morals? If that’s what Heaven is, I’d rather go to Hell. And you! You’re the one who’s on the wrong path! You’ve a good heart, deep down under all that crap, I can see that, but you’d rather listen to your orders that your heart! Until you see that sinners are worth just as much as you, until the fallen offers you shelter from the cold in their arms, you will never know warmth.”</p><p>And with that she banished him far away.</p><p>Well. He’s lied on reports before, but this one is going to be something else.</p><p>*</p><p>He didn’t think of the incident much. Or tried not to. An angel getting his ass handed to him by an elderly witch. And it wasn’t even that he disagreed with her! She was right. But following his heart had consequences. Humans say that God is merciful, but Aziraphale’s never seen mercy in Heaven.</p><p>He had to pick his battles sometimes.</p><p>So the months came and went, and Aziraphale tried to forget the witch’s words. But then came the winter. Normally, Aziraphale didn’t have problems with it. If he got chilly, he’d curl up under a blanket with a book and some tea, maybe even pop over the ocean for some xocōlātl. For some reason, no blankets were thick enough now. He held a steaming cup of tea in his hands and he still shivered. It wasn’t until his teeth started chattering one particularly cold night that he had to admit what he was dreading.</p><p>The witch cursed him. Her talk of cold wasn’t just talk, she actually put a curse on him. On an angel. That shouldn’t even be possible! And yet here he was, under three blankets, feeling cold like he’s never felt before.</p><p>He tried reading to put his mind off of it. Nothing seems to help. Eventually he decided to miracle himself to a warm land. It reminded him of the early days in the desert with Crowley by his side. Maybe it was that wishful thinking or the witch’s words about the fallen or maybe Crowley just always knew where and when to find him because one moment he was alone and then he was not.</p><p>“Crowley!“ Aziraphale said, startled. “What are you doing here?“</p><p>“Can’t I just be at the same place as you are, completely coincidentally?“</p><p>“We are in the middle of nowhere, Crowley, I doubt this is in an accident.“</p><p>Crowley shrugged. They didn’t particularly worried about having an excuse, it seemed. “So what are you doing here in the <em>middle of nowhere</em>? Not exactly your scene. Heaven sent you?“</p><p>“No, no, nothing like that. I simply need, uh, a change of scenery.“</p><p>Crowley raised their eyebrows. They clearly didn’t believe him. He couldn’t blame them, he was lying after all. Despite his effort, he couldn’t suppress a shiver. Even here, he was still freezing.</p><p>“You okay?” Crowley asked.</p><p>“Yes, yes. Just a bit. Chilly.”</p><p>They stared at him for a moment before replying. “It’s scorching here, angel. And I would know, I’m coldblooded.”</p><p>It was. Crowley was sweating in their typical all black outfit, despite their demonic and serpentine nature. Aziraphale sighed. He shouldn’t have said anything. “Well maybe to you it is,” he retorted petulantly. “We are not the same.”</p><p>“We’re literally of the same stock.”</p><p>Aziraphale wanted to argue, but his teeth chattering got in the way.</p><p>Crowley stepped closer, looking concerned. “Aziraphale? Are you okay?”</p><p>“Tickety-boo,” he whispered, despite not feeling it, nearly toppling over. Crowley caught him, trying to steady him. As soon as he felt steady enough Aziraphale stepped away, mourning the contact as he went.</p><p>“Tickety-boo my ass. What’s really going on?” They hesitated beforecontinuing. “I’m worried.“</p><p>That made Aziraphale pause. He didn’t think, he just didn’t think Crowley cared that much. He could see they valued him as a drinking companion if nothing else, but did they really care enough to worry about him? A part of him, a part of him he really should try more to suppress, was touched. He shouldn’t be. Crowley was the enemy. Crowley was fallen-</p><p>Crowley was fallen. If Crowley offered him shelter he would be warm again. He knew immediately that he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that to Crowley. Crowley meant too much to him for that, as much as he tried to pretend that they didn’t. He cared about them. And he couldn’t just use them for his own benefit.</p><p>“It’s. I can take care of it myself. Thank you for your concern.“ The words were kind, but the tone was bristle.</p><p>“Are you sure? It just doesn’t seem like a normal occurrence. Is that a normal occurrence for an angel? Cause I’ve never heard about it.“</p><p>“Just because it isn’t an ordinary occurrence doesn’t mean I cannot deal with it.“</p><p>“I didn’t say that. I am only saying you don’t have to deal with it alone.“</p><p>But he had to. He couldn’t just drag Crowley into this. Crowley could get hurt. Aziraphale couldn’t risk of that.</p><p>“Angel. Please. I just wanna help. I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, just be honest with me, please?“</p><p>Crowley‘s eyes were too sincere for a demon. Aziraphale didn’t even notice when they took their glasses off but they weren’t wearing them now. Their eyes were bare for the world to see and full of concern and worry and lo-</p><p>“All right. I’ll tell you.” He took a deep breath. “I got cursed.“</p><p>“You what?“</p><p>“I got cursed, alright? There is no need to discuss it further.”</p><p>“How is that even possible, you’re an angel!”</p><p>“Yes, I do think we’ve established that by now,” he snapped. Of course Crowley would find this the perfect time to poke fun.</p><p>“So, what, someone cursed you to be cold?”</p><p>“That is pretty much what happened, yes.”</p><p>“Can I help?”</p><p>“…no.”</p><p>“You sure?” Crowley said, clearly noticing his hesitation.</p><p>Aziraphale looked away. “She said I would be cold until a fallen offered me shelter in their arms.”</p><p>Crowley opened their arms so fast they couldn’t have possibly thought about it. “You think I would let you freeze? Angel. You offend me.”</p><p>“I can’t ask that of you.”</p><p>“You’re not asking. I’m offering.”</p><p>Aziraphale stared at them. They couldn’t mean it. They couldn’t want to touch him, hold him. They were just being nice.</p><p>“Angel,” they whispered.</p><p>Aziraphale threw his concerns to the wind, and fell into their embrace. They ran hot. He supposed it was to be expected, in the desert. Still, he didn’t expect to feel so much warmth, inside and out. It was blasphemous, and Crowley would not want to hear it, but it reminded him a bit of being created. That moment between nothing and existence, when the light of the Almighty enveloped him.</p><p>Aziraphale wiggled a little, dragging his arms from where they were trapped against Crowley’s chest to wrap them around their waist, trying to burrow further into Crowley’s warmth.<span class="u"></span></p><p>“See?” they said. “Isn’t this better?”</p><p>It was, oh, it was, but it shouldn’t be. Crowley didn’t want to touch him. They just didn’t want to see him suffer. He had no right to make them touch him for longer than necessary.</p><p>But, oh. He’s been so cold. Even before the curse. Heaven’s grown so cold over the years. It was his home and yet he couldn’t bear to be in there. And to be in Crowley’s arms, something he’s wanted for so, so long, it brought him that exquisite warmth once again. It made him feel like he was home.</p><p>But he wasn’t home. He was an angel and Crowley was a demon. They couldn’t be each other’s home. Crowley didn’t even want that.</p><p>Aziraphale moved away abruptly and cold followed him. It wasn’t like before, the curse was broken. But he was alone again. “I…thank you,” he whispered.</p><p>Crowley seemed confused, maybe a bit disappointed. Aziraphale couldn’t tell, as he wasn’t used to seeing them without their sunglasses. It made sense for Crowley to be disappointed, though. Who’d want to touch him? “Don’t thank me, angel.”</p><p>“Right. Well.”</p><p>Crowley smoothed their hair and put their sunglasses on. “Happy to be of assistance.”</p><p>Aziraphale winced. He didn’t want this to be like the Arrangement Crowley offered him, just an exchange of favors that never meant anything. But what he wanted didn’t matter.</p><p>This was all he got. He’d better commit the embrace to his memory, something to keep him warm on winter nights, because he knew this was a one time only experience.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. rest your weary head and let your heart decide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Crowley and Aziraphale come across a particular place.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you sure this is the place?” Crowley asked for what felt like the hundred time. They were walking through a thick forest, looking for ‘something occult’.</p>
<p>“Yes! I’ve read the file very carefully. Gabriel wouldn’t just send me on a wild goose chase.”</p>
<p>“You sure?” Crowley muttered.</p>
<p>“Shush, you serpent. My superiors are nice people. Not all of us work for Hell.”</p>
<p>“At least Hell’s Hell. You know it’s shit. It doesn’t pretend to be nice and then stab you in the back.”</p>
<p>“As opposed to what? Stabbing you in the front?”</p>
<p>“Yeah!”</p>
<p>“I’d rather not get stabbed at all, if it’s all the same to you.” <sup>1</sup></p>
<p> </p>
<p>1. One day, when they’re on their own side, Crowley will make recruitment posters and stick them in the place angels and demons both go to smoke. They will say “Join Earth: the side that won’t stab you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You might not get to choice, is all I’m saying.”</p>
<p>They were so preoccupied with their argument that they didn’t notice they came into a clearing until Crowley sneezed.</p>
<p>“Bless you,” Aziraphale said automatically.</p>
<p>Crowley spluttered. “No! I am a demon! I will not be blessed like som-“ they paused in the middle of the word. “Where are we?”</p>
<p>Aziraphale looked around, her eyes lighting up. “You found it! Oh, Crowley, I knew you would, you clever ser- achoo!”</p>
<p>“Damn you.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale sighed. “Must you?”</p>
<p>Crowley shrugged. “What’s up with this place, anyway?”</p>
<p>“Can’t you feel it?”</p>
<p>“Would I be asking if I could?”</p>
<p>“Love.” Aziraphale took a deep breath, taking it all in. “I can feel it. Someone really loves this place. Or rather,” she paused to think, “the memories attached to this place. I think loved ones come meet here.”</p>
<p>“And what, they fuck here so much that the air is poisoned with it?”</p>
<p>“Crowley! Must you be so crass?”</p>
<p>They pointed to themself. “Demon.”</p>
<p>“Lovers come here. Families. Friends. But unlike other places, nothing else happens here. Only the love. Nothing else had a chance to poison it. Crowley, this isn’t a dangerous occult spot at all. It’s just love.”</p>
<p>“Pretty sure Gabriel wouldn’t know the difference,” they muttered under their breath. Aziraphale pretended not to hear them. “Well, whatever it is, it feels awfully itchy.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale paused. It did feel itchy. Why did it feel itchy? Love didn’t feel like that. Sure, sometimes when she got particularly caught up in a cloud full of love, she got an urge to find Crowley and hug them, but, well. That wasn’t that different from normal.</p>
<p>This was different. Or not different, but stronger. She felt her whole body itch and ache and long to draw Crowley into her arms and never let them go.</p>
<p>“Oh dear.”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” Crowley lifted their gaze. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“I think we got, um, what is that term you use. Roofied?”</p>
<p>“Oh.” They nodded, slowly. “That explains some things.”</p>
<p>“Rather.” She wrung her hands together. “Oh, Crowley, I’m so sorry. I never should have dragged you into this mess.”</p>
<p>“Hey,” they said oh so softly. “You couldn’t have known this would happen. Besides, it’s not like this is the first time I’ve been high.” They winked. <sup>2 </sup>“I just feel like taking a nap.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>2. She and Crowley discovered getting high – and short after, bad trips - several weeks after Adam and Eve left Eden, after eating some harmless looking mushrooms. The less said about that, the better.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh. So it was just her then. They didn’t feel the same yearning she did, even hit with such a dose of love. It made sense. It was love. It couldn’t make someone want things they otherwise wouldn’t. Crowley didn’t want to touch her, and that was perfectly fine.</p>
<p>Only, Aziraphale had a feeling she might combust if they didn’t. And it wasn’t just her hurt heart, not that her heart was hurt or anything, her corporation hurt all over too.</p>
<p>Crowley dropped down, laying on the soft grass. Their red hair, long once again, was spread all around their head like a parody of a halo. They were beautiful. “Angel,” they whispered. They were looking at her so intently she could <em>feel it</em>, even through the sunglasses. “Why does it hurt?”</p>
<p>“What hurts?” she asked, kneeling next to them before she even realized what she was doing.</p>
<p>“Everything. How can you stand it?”</p>
<p>She gulped. “It isn’t usually like this.”</p>
<p>“What is it usually like?”</p>
<p>“Warm,” she said. “Like an embrace. Sometimes it…sometimes it reminds me how cold I am, how alone, but it’s never been like this.”</p>
<p>“You’re not alone, angel. You have me.”</p>
<p><em>No, I don’t</em>, Aziraphale thought. Tears welled in her eyes.</p>
<p>“Hey, no, don’t cry.” They sat up, reaching to wipe her tears away. As soon as they touched her, they both jerked away, gasping.</p>
<p>It felt like…actually, Aziraphale wasn’t sure it felt any different from how it felt to touch Crowley in any other situation. It felt lovely and intoxicating and warm.</p>
<p>It also took the pain away, which was the reason they were so shocked.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Crowley whispered. “May I?” they asked, reaching towards her again.</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>Crowley cupped her cheek, brushing her tears away. Aziraphale couldn’t help but lean into the touch. “Oh,” Crowley whispered again. Aziraphale put her arms around their waist. The fabric of their dress was so soft under Aziraphale’s fingers and she wondered how their skin would feel.</p>
<p>They stayed like that for a moment, Crowley brushing their thumb back and forth over her cheek every so often. It was incredible and perfect and <em>it was not enough</em>.</p>
<p>“It’s hurting again,” Crowley said, scooting closer to Aziraphale. Their hand slipped from her cheek to her neck and they put their other arm around her, drawing her into an embrace.</p>
<p>Aziraphale squeezed them closer to her and soon they were tumbling towards the ground. They fell into the soft grass, laughing and never once stopped touching each other.</p>
<p>Crowley nuzzled at Aziraphale’s neck, sighing in contentment. “Now I can nap.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale laughed and pressed a kiss to Crowley’s hair. “Do I make a good pillow?”</p>
<p>They wiggled closer. “The best.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Aziraphale woke up confused. Mainly because she’s never slept before. But also because she and Crowley were tangled together. Crowley cuddled like a constrictor, which was, oddly enough, actually quite pleasant.</p>
<p>Her mind was a bit less fogged now. Anxieties that were calmed by the overwhelming amount of love came storming back in. She tried to untangle herself from Crowley and encountered two problems. Firstly, Crowley’s grip was suprisingly strong. Secondly, the moment she succeeded the pain came back in full force.</p>
<p>Crowley moaned in pain. “Angel,” they mumbled. “Come back.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale put her arms back around Crowley. Crowley made a happy sound and tightened their hold on her again.</p>
<p>“Crowley,” Aziraphale whispered urgently. “Wake up. We have to get out of here.”</p>
<p>“Too comfrtbl,” Crowley mumbled. They were right. It was the most comfortable Aziraphale has ever felt.</p>
<p><em> They don’t want this </em> , Aziraphale reminded herself. <em>They’re just high on love.</em></p>
<p>“Come on,” she said. She put her arm below Crowley’s knees, keeping the other around their shoulders, and picked them up.</p>
<p>“Oh!” Crowley said, sounding a little bit more awake now. “Strong ang’l.”</p>
<p>“Stubborn serpent,” Aziraphale retorted, going for annoyed, but probably just sounding way too fond. She cleared her throat. “We’re going home.”</p>
<p>“Home!” Crowley proclaimed. “There’s a bed home.”</p>
<p>“It tends to be,” Aziraphale said dryly.</p>
<p>“More naps and cuddles there.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale didn’t reply, just walked away from the clearing. <em>They don’t want this.</em></p>
<p>When they were far enough into the forest Aziraphale put Crowley down on their feet. “Hmm?” they said and swayed a little. Aziraphale steadied them and kept her hand hands on their shoulders, just in case.</p>
<p>“Crowley. Are you alright?”</p>
<p>“‘s cold.” Crowley mumbled and turned their head towards her. “Oh,” they said and took a step back.</p>
<p>Right.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Aziraphale said.</p>
<p>“Not your fault. You didn’t know.” They carded their hand through their hair. “We should probably head back.”</p>
<p>“Right.” Aziraphale looked away from Crowley, realizing that she had been staring. “Of course.”</p>
<p>Even as they walked away, Aziraphale could still sense love all around her. It was probably just aftershocks.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>